This is not an easy post to do! There are mixtures of emotions that are running through my head. Yesterday and today have been absolutely gorgeous days, but the days have been hard to deal with. I posted recently that Gina and I were expecting our first child together. We were excited about being parents and had started to look at the future and see how we may need to make some changes. Yesterday Gina went to the doctor to have a check-up and it was determined that the baby had stopped developing about a week ago. Doctor Butler verified and we went ahead and had surgery done to keep things from being a mess at a later date. We have had a miscarriage.
So, how do you handle this? How is one supposed to deal with a loss such as this? Many in the society today would say that it is easier to deal with this type of loss because it wasn’t actually a baby yet. But that is not our belief, and to us this is a real loss. I will say that we are grieving, hurt, and disappointed to say the least. We have cried with each other and laughed with each other over the last few hours. Friends and family have tried to be a comfort and some of them have spent time with us during our trial. Keith and Allison Walters have been a great help! We love you guys!
How to respond? I think I want to say this:
1. We are firmly rooted in the sovereign reign and rule of God, the supremacy of Christ above all things, and the presence of the Spirit, even at times as this. Not for one second has our faith and trust in the Creator and His goodness came into question! He is good and He is wise beyond measure.
2. Believing in the sovereignty of God does not mean that we do not hurt. Gina put it well when she said that she is not bitter, or angry, or envious of others, but that she is simply disappointed that she does not get the chance to be a mother…yet. I think that describes my feelings as well.
3. As a couple we believe God works through suffering to bring Himself glory. That when His people suffer, and are found to be content and satisfied in Christ Jesus then He is shown to be the all-glorious, all-sufficient, and all-satisfying treasure that He truly is. This is an opportunity for two people who preach and teach Christian Hedonism to truly live it out and point people to the Cross….and that is exciting! We are completely satisfied with whatever God has chosen to give us. Our relationship with God is sufficient in itself to satisfy our hearts, we need nothing and no one else to do so.
4. God is busy populating heaven with worshippers! Now, our child, who never had to experience the pain and evil present in this world, stands at the feet of King Jesus and is enjoying now and for eternity the privilege of singing to the Creator. God wanted a little Woodyard in heaven and He wanted him or her sooner rather than later.
One day Gina and I will have the chance to meet our child. The meeting will be sweet as we sing praises to the King together.
I will say one last thing. I can not imagine dealing with a loss such as this apart from a Christian world-view, more specifically a Christian world-view that is grounded in the doctrines of grace. God was and is in control. My confidence that this child rests now in the arms of Jesus is not based upon the child’s ignorance and innocence, but on the blood of the Redeemer that was shed at Calvary. My hope for the world does not rest on anything other than the substituionary atonement of Christ Jesus. God is sovereignly ordering His creation and bringing it to completion. So, until that great day when Christ comes back to gather His people to Himself we live and we live with the mind-set that Paul shared with the Colossians and with us today;
“I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ.” Colossians 1:24
